July 4^th in the United States represents the day we gained our independence as a nation. However, as individuals, we have all had varied experiences that have led us to seek our own journey to independence. Do you remember yours?

As a child, independence began with our first step as we began learning to walk. We were urged by our parents or caretakers to separate for short periods of time when left alone. Many of us embraced the thought of feeling more independent which increased our confidence. Some of us took our time to venture out from the protection and safety of our family, while others of us became strong-willed, sometimes rebellious, teenagers.

Whatever journey you have traveled, you eventually achieved your own version of independence. This process is a healthy phase that all kids and young adults go through in preparation for leaving their family unit. I saw this when I recently attended my niece’s and nephew’s high school graduation ceremonies. My niece expressed wanting to do things herself, such as finding her own rides to and from the countless graduation parties. My nephew expressed his plans to move out of the house and into his own apartment the day after his high school graduation.

Gaining independence is expected in society. Kids progressing through the school system are given different opportunities for independence, like choosing their own classes, their desired college and their chosen degree. As they mature, teens learn to drive which gives them more independence. They are encouraged to get a job after school in order to begin earning wages and become financially self-sufficient. Whatever path they follow, society expects most individuals to be self-sufficient, living on their own, and making their own decisions during their life-time.

Throughout life, however, the circumstances of independence can change or be tested. For example, a married couple who recently divorced will find themselves re-discovering how to be fully independent once again. Or a spouse who is now a widow or widower may be thrust into re-learning how to be self-sufficient while on their own. This happened to me when my husband passed away after being together for 31 years. Previous to his passing, I prided myself on being an independent person and this was one of the aspects that my husband loved about me. However, when he was no longer living, my confidence to be on my own was shaken to my core. I had a lot of fear about being back on my own and it affected my confidence to make my own decisions. Simple tasks like hiring a gardener, calling a repairman to fix a leak or make travel plans for my kids and me stopped me in my tracks, frozen in fear. Fear of making the wrong decision and feeling overwhelmed of where to begin, all stopped me from doing these simple tasks. My confidence was lost for several years.

Once I found my confidence, I became a certified Life Coach to help others. As a Life Coach, I’ve seen widowers immediately seek a new partner because they felt they needed someone to take care of them including all the household duties. I’ve seen widows not know how to make insurance or investment decisions because their husbands handled all previous financial decisions.

Whether we seek out a Life Coach or not, we all find our independence at some point. The beauty of the journey is that it will be different for everyone. There are no two journeys to independence that are exactly the same.

As you gain your sense of independence, it is important to remember to follow your own inner wisdom of what is right for you. As a Life Coach, I’ve seen many people fall victim to relying on others to make decisions for them. I’ve seen people sink into the trap of continually asking “should I do this” or “should I do that”. Only you know you…. only you know what is right for you. Those supporting you don’t have the full knowledge that you have in your own consciousness—and that’s because you don’t share with others every single thing about yourself. No one does. The journey to independence is your journey. It’s okay to get support along the way. It is healthy and more empowering, however, to listen to your own inner wisdom and to develop or rediscover the confidence of making your own decisions that will lead to your own independence.

With the 4^th of July celebrations of our country’s independence, we are also reminded to appreciate the freedom of independence that we do have. I am truly grateful that I have the freedom to go through life and discover my own path to being independent. Think of all of the many choices and options you have been able to choose along your own journey. Think of your supportive parents, teachers and friends that you’ve been able to lean on. Think of the education you received and the different jobs where you chose to work. Think of the friends that you have chosen to surround yourself with and the time spent together sharing experiences.

I am personally grateful for the people and friends I have met here in the Villages and all of the activities offered in this vibrant independent living community.

Happy 4^th of July to all of you! And congratulations on your independence!

Note: This article was published in the Villager Spotlight Magazine (July 2023 edition)