Whether you are a man or a woman, everyone has a Dad! 

Father’s Day is a time to celebrate the fathers and father-figures in our lives, whether they are living or passed. However, society's expectation that men should be strong and suppress their emotions can have serious consequences for men's emotional health.

Often men learn through friends, society, and their own father, that to be “the man of the household” means to be strong, stoic and suppress their emotions. We even have a saying that “a true man never cries”; if he did, he would be considered weak. This often results in the man being brave for everyone else, while stuffing his own emotions into a dark unseen abyss.

When men are unable or unwilling to express their emotions, they may feel isolated, anxious, and depressed or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, anger, or aggression. They may struggle to form meaningful connections with others, including their own children. This can often lead men to travel the course of life alone without anyone to talk to about his existing deep feelings, which are kept well hidden from the public view. It’s important to recognize that emotions are a normal and natural part of the human experience, as men have emotions just like women.

My experience with clients when they stuff emotions away, are those same emotions eventually rear themselves, and sometimes when you least expect it. I’ve seen emotions surface 40+ years later because the client was triggered. When emotions are tucked away, they often come back stronger and more powerful.

As a gift to yourself on Father’s Day, allow yourself to begin the healing process to emotional well-being. 

Do you have an estranged relationship with your father? If so, consider sending a simple card that says “Thinking of you on Father’s Day”.  Perhaps you can find one small thing you can forgive him for—even if it is something insignificant. Starting somewhere is better than not starting at all.  Take myself, I was able to get back into relationship with my own father after years of not speaking. Forgiveness is not about excusing harmful behavior or denying the pain that has been caused. Rather, forgiveness is a process of releasing the negative emotions that are holding us back and are preventing us from moving forward. Forgiving others is a gift we give to ourselves, not to the person who has hurt us.

If you are a father and someone in your family has hurt you, then perhaps you can open up and share what is troubling you? This could be the start of your own emotional healing that will allow you to be that inspirational leader to those who look up to you as a role model.

Has your father passed?  Father’s Day can be a time of reflection and remembrance. It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve and acknowledge the impact your father had on your life. If your father has passed on and you have regrets or unsaid words that you wished you had expressed (positive or negative), consider writing him a letter and express everything you ever wanted to say but never had the chance to do so. Allow this to be your own personal release therapy!

It’s also important to recognize that fatherhood is not limited to biological fathers. Many children have positive relationships with stepfathers, grandfathers, uncles, and other father-like figures. These role models can be just as meaningful, or more so, in the healthy development and guidance they provide.

If you have a wonderful and fulfilling relationship with your dad or father-figure, then by all means, express your gratitude and appreciation in abundance. Allow him to feel your love to the absolute fullest.

A man who is at peace with his emotions and able to be vulnerable in front of others takes more courage and strength than a person who stuffs away their emotions. This is where society has gotten it all wrong. A man who does not express his feelings is like filling a coffee cup--as the cup fills up with unprocessed emotions, there is no more room for anything else. When you empty the cup by expressing your emotions, you create more room for love and connection with others.

It’s never too late to change. It’s never too late to acknowledge your father. This Father’s Day gift does not cost any money but can have the biggest impact on you and your family!

Happy Father’s Day!

Note: This article was published in the Villager Spotlight Magazine (June 2023 edition)