As we approach Valentine’s Day in our Golden Years, the yearning for connection, love, and meaningful relationships remains a core aspect of our well-being. Drawing inspiration from Gary Chapman's book, "The 5 Love Languages," seniors can apply these principles to enhance love for themselves and in their relationships with others.

Chapman’s book unveiled a profound insight into human connection by identifying the presence of a natural and innate love language within each individual. This intrinsic language serves as a lens through which we perceive relationships and experience life situations. In his study of human behavior, Chapman created five distinct categories: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

Unlocking the awareness of your specific love language unveils the answers as to why interactions with others fall short of being satisfying. It also unlocks the secrets of how to love yourself.

1.      Words of Affirmation

Loving Yourself:  Valentine's Day serves as a beautiful occasion for cultivating self-love and reflection. Appreciate the wisdom gained over the years; Speak words of affirmation to yourself; Acknowledge the journey you've walked and celebrate the love and strength within.

Interacting With Others:  When you perform an extraordinary act of kindness, take a moment to reflect on your own reaction. Are you expecting acknowledgment from that person? Are you waiting for them to express gratitude, like saying “thank you”? It's important to recognize that if the other person's primary love language isn't "Words of Affirmation," they might not immediately respond with verbal thanks. This doesn't imply they don't value or appreciate what you've done; their way of expressing gratitude might simply be different.

Finding yourself profusely thanking everyone for all they do, implies your love language is “Words of Affirmation”.

2.    Acts of Service

Loving Yourself:  Valentine's Day is the perfect time to indulge in acts of service that nurture your well-being. Treat yourself to a relaxing spa day, savor a favorite meal, or engage in activities that bring joy. Embracing self-care as an act of service, communicates love to yourself, reinforcing the importance of your happiness and overall well-being.

Interacting With Others:  Are you driven to do things for others? When others do something nice for you, does your heart fill with joy? Do you find yourself wanting to please others? Yes, to any of these are a strong indication that your love language is “Acts of Service”.

3.    Gifts

Loving Yourself:  Valentine's Day presents an opportunity to treat ourselves with thoughtful gifts. Whether it's a small item that brings joy or a symbolic token of self-appreciation, these gifts become tangible reminders of the love we deserve.

Interacting With Others:  For those with the love language of “Gifts”, it’s not about getting a gift, but rather the thought that went into the gift. Individuals with this love language appreciate the time, effort and detailed thought put into the gift they received, especially when it is uniquely tailored for them.

If you enjoy finding or making that “perfect” gift for that special someone, this is probably your love language. We often express the same love language to others that are innate in ourselves.

4.    Quality Time

Loving Yourself:  Valentine's Day can be celebrated by spending quality time on your own. Engage in joyful activities, reflect on cherished memories, and savor the present moment. Whether it's a leisurely stroll, enjoying a favorite book, or embracing a hobby, quality time with oneself strengthens the internal bond and fosters deeper connections within one's own heart.

Interaction With Others:  Quality time also pertains to the time spent with others. This individual thrives on spending uninterrupted time without distraction. They thrive on being able to have deep conversations that go well beyond superficial topics. This happens to be my love language.

If you have a person in your life whose love language is “Quality Time”, then put your phone away and give them your undivided attention. They will love you for it!

5.   Physical Touch

Loving Yourself: While physical touch may take a different form in later years, Valentine's Day is an ideal time to embrace self-compassion and gentle affection. Engage in comforting practices, such as a warm bath, a soothing massage, or simply relishing the comfort of soft fabrics. These acts of self-care reinforce the importance of self-nurturing.

Interacting With Others: In relationships with friends, spouses and family, physical touch is conveyed with meaningful hugs, holding hands, or sitting close to each other. Individuals with this love language would enjoy snuggling in front of a fireplace.

What is your love language? If you oscillate between one or more, then you have a primary and a secondary love language. If you are still trying to decide which is your love language, reflect on your life when you felt unfulfilled, as this will indicate the form of love you are missing.

Once you know your love language, share it openly but adjust accordingly. Understand your partner's, friends', and family members' love languages too. For instance, if you prefer "Acts of Service" and they prefer "Quality Time," focus on spending one-on-one, uninterrupted time together, which is more meaningful to them than practical tasks like grocery shopping or car washing.

Allow Valentine’s Day to be an opportunity to enhance and deepen the love for yourself and the connection you have with others. Allow the abundance of love to fill your Golden Years!

Note: This article was published in the Villager Spotlight Magazine (February 2024 edition)